first standup by me (exclusively)

Sure, here's a short stand-up comedy script:

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**Title: "Life's Little Ironies"**

**Opening:**

*The comedian walks confidently onto the stage, greeted by applause.*

"Hey everyone, how's it going? Good to see you all here tonight. You know, life is a bit like a blender. Sometimes, you think you've got it all figured out, but then it just throws everything into a mix, leaving you wondering what on earth just happened!"

**On Technology:**

"Have you noticed how we're living in the age of technology? I mean, the other day, my grandma asked me to help her with a 'quick' email. She opened her computer, and I swear, that startup sound echoed back to the Stone Age! By the time it was ready, she'd already written a letter, sent it by carrier pigeon, and got a reply!"

**On Social Media:**

"Let's talk about social media, shall we? It's that place where people post their perfect lives. I saw this one guy, always posting about his 'perfect' vacation. The beaches, the drinks, the sunset... but I happened to see him in real life - turns out, his vacation photos were taken at the local petting zoo! The only sunset was from a painted backdrop!"

**On Food:**

"Who here loves food? I sure do! But have you noticed the 'healthy eating' trend? Kale, quinoa, chia seeds... I tried a salad the other day that had more ingredients than a chemistry lab! And after I finished it, I was still hungry, so I ate the menu."

**On Relationships:**

"Relationships are funny, aren't they? My friend asked me for advice on his relationship. I said, 'Listen, relationships are like WiFi. Sometimes, they're strong, and you can stream anything without interruption. Other times, you're just staring at a spinning wheel, waiting for something to happen.'"

**Closing:**

"Alright folks, that's my time! Remember, life's full of ironies, just like a gym that's closer to a donut shop than your house. Thanks for being a fantastic audience. Drive safe, tip your servers generously, and always remember to laugh at life's little quirks!"

*The comedian exits the stage amidst applause and laughter.*

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Remember, delivery and timing are crucial in stand-up comedy, so feel free to adjust this script according to your own style and personality!